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pervertissement:

trying to draw some kong wenge and this is the only one that turned out postable i should call it a day and maybe i can fix the other sketches tomorrow x

officialsamwinchester:

do u ever put on a shirt and look in the mirror and go

"no. this does not represent the full potential of my boobs"

profoundly-fallen-angel:

shorm:

shorm:

shorm:

There are two types of people in the world: those who react to learning that you can use touch screens with your tongue with disgust and those who immediately go to lick their phones.

i’m gonna go ahead and assume that the reason this doesn’t have many notes is because you’re all too busy making out with your phones

i’m so glad this has taken off because

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i was right

"I kissed a phone and I liked it"

theawesomesauce93:

scribble-scratch:

My mom just told me you’re not a woman until you get blood on nearly every pair of pants you love. I was like, “what if you don’t have periods?” And she said “I didn’t say it had to be your own.”

I thought this was going to be cissexist and I was pleasantly surprised.

theladypipsqueak:

salparadisewasright:

theladypipsqueak:

MY MOM DECIDED THAT SINCE I FUCKING HATE CLEANING THE LITTERBOX FOR MY DUMB CATS SHE’S ACTUALLY MAKE ME A FUCKING LITTERBOX CAKE. THIS IS A FUCKING CAKE. THOSE ARE SLIGHTLY MELTED TOOTSIE ROLLS. THOSE ARE LOTS OF COOKIE CRUMBLES. BUT IT LOOKS FUCKING REAL. I ATE THIS IN A RESTAURANT. I RECIEVED WORRIED STARES FROM OTHER PATRONS AS I FEASTED UPON FUCKING CAT POOP. MY BABY SISTER REFUSED TO LET ME EAT THE TOOTSIE ROLLS BECAUSE SHE WAS ONE HUNDRED PERCENT CONVINCED IT WAS POOP, SHE RIPPED IT OUT OF MY HANDS AND THREW IT BACK IT THE PAN.

"SISSY!" SOMEONE WAS LOOKING ON HORRIFIED AS SHE GRABBED THE DISTURBING LOOKING CANDY OUT OF MY HAND. "DONT EAT POOP SISSY!"

a li tter box cae k„

congratulations on turning 91

thanks

(Source: thesmuttypirate)

bombing:

attention passengers this is your pilot speaking, we’re going to be experiencing some heavy turbulence shortly so please strap in. this loser just bet that i couldn’t do a 360 barrel roll in this thing and let’s just say i’m about to be $20 richer real soon

AU where Harry took Malfoy’s hand that day and becomes a Slytherin.

(Source: tomriddl)

queenlovett:

anniephantom:

labirdgeoiseed:

this is my favorite goofy pun ever, I have told it at least five times

I don’t care, fuck you

okay ready

as you all know, saint patrick walked barefoot as an act of contrition, which made his feet rugged and blistered. he ate an ascetic’s diet, which made him weak and additionally gave him bad breath.

all of this made him

a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis

oh my god

marry me.

jolinxo:

this is amazing

(Source: airows)

wittyandcharming:

muchadoabouttruffles:

Okay, just hear me out for a second.

Muggleborn kid with a talent for magic. Not real magic. Like, sleight of hand magic. And then a prefect catches them doing something like making a ball appear to vanish or whatever, and just loses their shit because this 11 year old kid has utterly mastered Vanishing Spells and what the hell how is that even possible.

sodomquake:

Oh man I have always loved that Dojima is in the kitchen when you do this

Our running joke is that he just… slowly… lowers his newspaper

and stares

and says, “…boy, did my sister drop you on your HEAD when you were born”

and Souji is like coughing and streaming tears and clutching the side of the fridge, all, “Actually i-it was kind of good? I think I might — “

GO TO BED

(Source: persona-today)